Last year I was sitting on the end of my bed desperate for an answer to the swirling battleground of life. It felt like I had reached the front-line and I didn’t know how to take the next step in battle.
It was here the wild woman and I came face to face.
I was emotionally exhausted, after what was a heavy two weeks of our boys returning to school after lock down in Queensland. This return felt like the straw breaking the camels back. This was 4 years in the making.
Our boys school journey had been loaded with ups and downs. At the start of this year we moved the boys schools in hope this was the answer to everything. But turns out a change of scenery doesn’t solve it all.
As I sat at the end of my bed with uncontrollable emotions. Finally.
I let go.
And she came rushing to my rescue.
The wild woman instantly came through the now open door. I had finally let go of the handle that kept it closed.
In one almost annoyingly easy instant I released the handle that kept me prisoner to the believe that it was all up to me to work out.
I was trying to control everything, I had defaulted to thinking it was all up to me. An addiction hard to kick. I had been calling the shots, trying to fix the battleground.
Intellectually I knew from my studies of the Course (A Course in Miracles) the only choice to make is to go above the battleground. Beyond the world. Remember the wild truth.
But it is amazing how seductive, seemingly normal and addictive the beliefs we hold in this world so dear are.
Our beliefs mean we can run the show. We can call the shots whether we wanted to take responsibility or not.
The wild woman had no hesitation in asking me as I sat closed eyed at the end of my bed:
“What would you do if you didn’t clutch so tightly to the chains that hold you trapped in beliefs?”.
“What would you do with your life?”
In that moment I saw two clear paths my life could take.
One would go down pushing through the current battleground. Waking each day wearing the shields and armor to get through my day.
The other was worlds away, the only attire yearning to be worn was compassion and a gentleness that I had never seen for myself.
This other way felt completely radical to the armored figure I thought I had become.
I was then gifted with a vision that felt wild and free.
THIS WAS WALKING ON THE WILD SIDE.
I said a heart opening yes to compassion and gentleness for myself, and to the vision I could now see.
What was to come wasn’t easy, but that isn’t a reason capable of making me stay on the front-line any longer.
Because there was no longer a front-line to war against. It was no where to be found.
I now realise there was never two paths to choose from, one was an illusion of war and the other was reality, truth.
I continue to keep that door open to her as much as I can. The wild and free vision now resides within every fibre of my being.
Keeping the door open has undoubtedly resulted in a lot of change that isn’t seen as a pat on the back, but more of a choice that is always available.
We now choose to home school our boys, we have chosen at long last to leap and leave FIFO (fly-in-fly-out) life and I have chosen to focus my business on creating, something I thought was years away. But ‘I’ try not to do the thinking now and get out of the bloody way and know my only job is to holding that glorious door open to her in everyway.
This journey with the wild woman has shown me that whatever is seemingly happening in our lives is only ever an opportunity to hold the door open and be gently guided.
She has taught me deeply that I have an addiction to running things. And her role is to remind me I run nothing and lead me to what I truly am.
What would you do with your life if you were not trapped in limiting beliefs?